She said...lifestyles of the sleep deprived and frazzled

After 6 months of mommy-hood I have come to appreciated some new luxuries in my life. Here is a list of items which I have come to appreciate.

In no particular order,

1. Sleeping a 3 hour stretch at night

2. Finding a shirt to wear in the morning that doesn't have a stain on it.

3. Remembering my grocery list, and actually purchasing every item on it.

4. Making it through the day without spit up down my cleavage.

5. Brushing my teeth twice a day.

6. Having a long enough shower to actually accomplish more than the bare minimum.

5. Going to the bathroom when I need to.

6. Eating my meal while it is still hot and sitting down.

7. Arriving on time.

8. Finding all the ingredients I need in the fridge to make dinner. (So that I don't end up trying to shred Cheesestrings and chopping spinach for Fajitas.)

9. Completing a chore from start to finsh with out interruption.

10. Going out past 7:00 p.m. at night.

She said...I am the Dairy Queen

I made the decision to breastfeed before Seth was born. There are pros and cons to breast and bottle and each woman needs to make her own decision. But to me, breastfeeding seemed to be the natural choice. My mom breastfed, as did my girlfriends who already had children. Friends had provided me with some personal experiences they have had with breastfeeding and so I knew the process wasn't as simple as Velcro. I attended the prenatal classes and the instructor, (who never had breastfed herself) pulled out a stuffed boob and demonstrated the process. Looked simple enough. WRONG.
The latching process is the key to breastfeeding success. Be prepared for it too take days and even weeks to master this. As you and your baby have never done it before it will take natural talent, skill and a lot of patience to learn. You will have nurses, friends, your husband, lactation consultants, neighbors, UTUBE... you name it, helping to get you and your baby to latch correctly. A bad latch results in a poor feed for the baby and pain, (crack bleeding nipple kind of pain) for mommy. It can be a very discouraging and frustrating process which by the way you will have to learn on little sleep and attempt multiple times through the day and night.

Also, as a friend of mine reminded me, when your milk comes in don't expect your milk to come out of just one hole in your nipple. Instead it is as if your nipple is a pin cushion with streams of milk coming from all directions. Also, your breast isn't a faucet. If the baby comes off the nipple, don't expect it to turn off. Often Seth would cough, sputter, and choke because of the force and speed of my milk. Think of a open fire hydrant. My milk would spray out all over him, the rocker, and even the wall. At one point my husband suggested target practice.

I was lucky that I didn't end up with crack nipples or pain associated with breastfeeding except for engorgement when my milk came in. Breastfeeding provides you with new sensations in your breasts that you have never felt before, but not in a good way. Engorgement expands the skin of your breasts to your absolute limit and your breasts feel like hot rocks. When your milk lets down it feels like the worst case of pins and needles. Everyday your breasts will change sizes from hard balloons, (my husband called my bras, "parachutes") to floppy utters.

Breastfeeding also comes with its own accessories. One of the key accessories is the breastfeeding pump. There are different styles depending on how often you are going to use it and how much you want to spend. There is nothing quite like being hooked up to a machine which pumps out your milk. If breastfeeding alone hasn't already made you feel like a 24 hour dairy. The action and hum of the pump will quickly turn your breasts into utters and erase any sense of sex appeal you had left associated with your rack. Than there is the cream, (a thick, sticky paste you rub into your nipples which although I am sure to some male minds seems like an erotic concept, it isn't to us moms, as it is sticky, thick, and generally unpleasant). There are pads that help to prevent leaks from appearing on your shirts. But these are scratchy and bunch up in your bra resulting in a undesirable ripple effect across your chest.

Well this post focuses on some of the cons of breastfeeding. There is one positive point I would like to make. To all those boys in seventh grade who made fun of me for being flat chested, you should come and look at my parachutes now!

She said...sleep, the new sex to a mom

There is nothing I desire more than sleep. I never thought I could want something so badly in my life than I do a good nights sleep. In the beginning with Seth he would wake every hour during the night and I struggled, staggered, and stumbled my way into his room to change, feed, and comfort him. Often by 5 a.m. we were both in tears and I thought the sun would never rise.

Than there were those nights were he refused to sleep in his crib and I slept with him on the couch. I was terrified that I had lost my bed forever. I wanted nothing more than to climb in between the sheets of my bed and close my eyes. Why did this seem to be so impossible. To dream had become the impossible dream.

Slowly, Seth did begin to go longer stretches. But even today at nearly 6 months he continues to wake in the night. In 6 months he has only slept through the night 6 times. Of course the irony of those nights is that I wake often, listening, wondering, and checking to see if he is okay, as it is so unlike him.

It is so tough to go with out a good night sleep for such a long time. At times I will be honest it felt like torture to have to be up all night and day and night and day and night and...
I often was told to sleep when Seth slept, but I found it so difficult to fall asleep myself. There were also times when I had to eat, go to the bathroom, return a phone call, and than after that sure enough Seth was up.

I don't mean to whine, but it really is tough to give up sleep. The sleep bank never seems to fill up and I never know what the night will bring. Even tonight as I head to bed after I write this, I can only hope that tonight will be a good night and tomorrow even better. Or, that for Christmas Santa will bring me a night at a hotel.

She said...survival time

You've read the books, studied internet sites, "Google" lots of questions and asked friends and relatives. So you must be ready to raise this little one right? Uh... none of it applies to the first six weeks. Nothing you have read, learned, heard or thought will help you appreciate what those first six weeks are like. It is nothing but a test of pure will and survival skills. Some books will tell you to that it is "easy" to put them on a schedule. There is no such thing as a routine, pattern, or schedule in those early days. Yes there is a lot of sleeping, eating, and pooping but in no particular order or timing. Those who have had kids, have all forgotten what those early weeks were like. They have to because no one would ever have another if they did remember accurately. You will get more advice than you could ever process. Most will go against your intuition and lots will seem just nuts, ( like somersault the baby to help him sleep... it doesn't work). I was told to sleep when the baby slept. However, I found it quite hard, as I usually would first try to go to the bathroom, have something to eat and maybe return a phone call or two. Than as soon as I laid down Seth would wake up, or a visitor would show up. You will also hear that things will get better, and they do, but by the time you are at the end of the third week you don't believe it. You can't possibly conceive how life can ever get better. You aren't even sure how you have ended up where you are.

The secret to the first six weeks is just survive. Take it moment by moment, minute by minute if you have to. It is hard, I mean really, really HARD. You would of never experience exhaustion as you now live with daily. Getting food into your mouth seems impossible, and yet your life is dictated by the feeding of another little mouth who seems to never be satisfied. All around you your life seems to become unraveled, the house is a mess, laundry is piled, no groceries in the fridge or cupboards, and you can't remember the last time you brushed your teeth. And yet, relatives, friends, neighbours, and enemies all come to visit. You also quickly realize that despite all of your studying and cramming for this life changing event, you were no way prepared and really don't know much about raising a child. Your relationship with your spouse can quickly become stressed and you will learn whether this change will bring you together or drive a wedge between you. It is all a bit surreal when you look back on it all. But you can get through it. You do get through it. And slowly you find that things do get better as people said it would. Not an overnight improvement, just subtle changes that begin to add up to a little more sleep, and little less crying, and a lot better coping skills.

So if you, your marriage, and your family can outlast, out will, and out survive those first six weeks a cheque for 100 000 won't be waiting for you, but the first real smile, giggle, and look of love from your little will be and that is worth much more.

She said... L & D, where is my trophy?

I will save you from all the gory details about our labour and delivery, I will just go over the "highlights".

First off, who ever came up with the "birth plan" last encounter with labour must of been when they came into the world, because it is an utter waste of time. We sat down and discussed our plan for how we wanted the labour to go. In the end none of what we had planned ended up happening. I thought I would walk the halls to speed up the progression of the labour. Well the last thing that I wanted to do was walk. I wanted an epidural. Couldn't get one. I was going to stay home as long as possible, but we went off the the hospital as soon as we could. I had this idea I would hold my son after my birth and we would have this "moment". However, my body had other plans and complications resulted in Seth being whisked away to his dads arms as the doctor continued to work on me. Having never gone through it before, we had no idea what to expect and therefore, how likely were we to be able to plan.

My husband was amazing through the entire process. He never left my side and was a constant source of support and encouragement. I wasn't entirely sure I wanted my mom with me, as she has been nursing for many years and I wasn't sure I would be tough enough for her. But in the end I was so thankful she was there to support Derek and I, and share in the birth of her grandson. Also, having her expertise was a comfort and you can never have enough hands to squeeze.

It did hurt, in a way I can't describe. But you do forget. What I remember is being more exhausted then I ever thought was humanly possible. I also thought I should of received some award. That the Publisher Clearing House crew should so up with flowers, and bouquets and a giant trophy congratulating me on completing such an amazing feat. However, very quickly you realize that it is no longer about you but it is now all about the baby.

She said...the secret society of pregnancy

Pregnancy is a secret society among women. No one really talks about, except for the passing comment about fatigue and morning sickness. There is way more to it. While each woman's experience is different, we should break the silence and talk more about it. Perhaps if we did, our partners wouldn't be so inclined to say, " you blame everything on being pregnant". So here is my list of 10 things I wasn't prepared for, (in no particular order).

1. Cramps. The week I found out I was pregnant I had the worse cramps. So bad I thought for sure I was getting my dreaded period. Nope, after I Googled I learned it was a sign of pregnancy. Than they came back late in my pregnancy. A test run for labour and just to test out my commitment to not taking any medication/pain relief while I was pregnant.

2.Niagara Falls down below. While you get to aviod having a period for 9 months, at some point the pads come out again. Goodbye thong, hello granny panties.

3. Pregnancy affects your entire body. From head to toe things are altered by being pregnant. Your hair thickens, your eye sight changes, headaches, nausea, boobs ache and swell, fingers and toes swell, your memory gets worse, your back aches, your walk changes, your appetite changes... Be prepared nothing goes untouched.

4. Just because you don't see them doesn't mean they aren't there. Stretch marks can hide below your big belly despite your liberal and daily use of coca butter. They also show up on various parts of your body, like you breast and thighs. You know how scars are sexy on guys why can't stretch marks be the same on women, you know, battle scars of being pregnant. Yeah, probably to much to ask.

5. Maternity clothes are the worst fitting clothes ever made. Not only do you feel like a hippo you have to wear ill fitting elastic pants and you swear you will never wear an empire waist again. Nothing like being squeezed below the breast line for 6 months. Belly bands work well to keep you in your "regular" clothes longer, and transition you through maternity pants that one day are too big and the next too small. However, you will want to burn the band which begins to feel like a corset squeezing you around the middle by the end of your pregnancy.

6.People may ask how you are doing but they don't really want to know. They want your response to be "glowing" which by the way I neither felt nor looked. When you explain to them that yes you are tired, and having morning sickness, and that you don't enjoy having your body rented out, they never seem to know what to say. Don't ask and I won't tell.

7. Morning sickness is neither limited to the morning or the first trimester. I was sick anytime of day and for seven months. I never had airsickness on a commercial flight until I flew to Jamiaca in my 6th month. When you are sick, it comes on fast so keep that garbage pail under you desk handy. I know I used mine.

8. Fatigue is awful. The first trimester it is a mental type fatigue. Work becomes very difficult and when you come home the thought of even cooking dinner seems impossible. Than in the third trimester you could of sworn you climbed Everest each and every day your body is so tired.

9. You may hear, "sleep now while you still can", but good -luck actually getting a good nights sleep. If it isn't your bladder, you wake starving, the baby is kicking, or you just can't get comfortable. You can't sleep on your back, your stomach is out of the question, and the act of rolling over requires a forklift. Plus, all of sudden you wake in the middle of the night and can't get back to sleep for no apparent reason. I had to come home during my lunch hour to try and make up some of the sleep I lost in the night.

10. Your partner won't ever get it. At first they are excited and are understanding about the morning sickness but that will change. When they park in the spot furthest away from the store and count the steps to the door because you "complained" about having to walk, you know that they have no idea what it feels like to have a head pressing down on your pelvis and that each step feels like someone is stabbing your crotch. Nope, they have no idea, they just think your waddle is funny. 23 steps by the way. The pink spot was open but no, its not cool to park there.

She said... conception, all in an evenings work

Anyone who knows me knows I thrive on planning. So conceiving a child was no different. Derek and I had hoped to start a family a couple years into our marriage. But once you are married you find that everyone wants you to immediately conceive. It is as if people are uncomfortable seeing a happily married couple alone, without a kids standing in between them. If you aren't constantly being asked, "when are you going to have kids" it seems that many of your family and friends are starting their own families. In fact back in November 2007 I heard from three different people in my life that they were expecting all within the same week. Talk about pressure.

So...
We had hoped to start "trying" (as if we haven't been "trying for some years now. After 2 years of marriage and 8 years of dating we have had more than one test drive"), in the summer months of 2008. So dutifully and in my usual type A anal retentive style I started taking my folic acid in January 2008. Then I had my physical, spoke to our family doctor about planning for a baby, and I went off the pill for three months before we started, "trying". About this time I also stopped drinking alcohol. As soon as a girl my age stops drinking alcohol the rumor mill starts up. You may as well take out a billboard on Main street that states, "yes we are trying for a baby". We wanted to keep things quite though, in case we encountered set backs, or had a miscarriage. I had expected it to take about 3-6 months for us to conceive. However, after 3 months off the pill and once the condom came off it actually happened right away. (thank god for the pill for the past number of years).

When the fate full night actually occurred I don't remember. Once you decide you are going to "try" sex becomes about getting the job done. Just another check on the to do list. Women are encouraged to determine which days they are ovulating. So for a period of a couple days you will have sex whether you want to or not, for fear of missing your peak ovulation period. So you could be mad at your partner, want to watch your favorite soap or have plans to go to the movies with friends, you are going to "try" for that baby no matter what.

We were fortunate enough to conceive as quickly as we did and without any problems or setbacks and for that I am truly thankful.