She said...the secret society of pregnancy

Pregnancy is a secret society among women. No one really talks about, except for the passing comment about fatigue and morning sickness. There is way more to it. While each woman's experience is different, we should break the silence and talk more about it. Perhaps if we did, our partners wouldn't be so inclined to say, " you blame everything on being pregnant". So here is my list of 10 things I wasn't prepared for, (in no particular order).

1. Cramps. The week I found out I was pregnant I had the worse cramps. So bad I thought for sure I was getting my dreaded period. Nope, after I Googled I learned it was a sign of pregnancy. Than they came back late in my pregnancy. A test run for labour and just to test out my commitment to not taking any medication/pain relief while I was pregnant.

2.Niagara Falls down below. While you get to aviod having a period for 9 months, at some point the pads come out again. Goodbye thong, hello granny panties.

3. Pregnancy affects your entire body. From head to toe things are altered by being pregnant. Your hair thickens, your eye sight changes, headaches, nausea, boobs ache and swell, fingers and toes swell, your memory gets worse, your back aches, your walk changes, your appetite changes... Be prepared nothing goes untouched.

4. Just because you don't see them doesn't mean they aren't there. Stretch marks can hide below your big belly despite your liberal and daily use of coca butter. They also show up on various parts of your body, like you breast and thighs. You know how scars are sexy on guys why can't stretch marks be the same on women, you know, battle scars of being pregnant. Yeah, probably to much to ask.

5. Maternity clothes are the worst fitting clothes ever made. Not only do you feel like a hippo you have to wear ill fitting elastic pants and you swear you will never wear an empire waist again. Nothing like being squeezed below the breast line for 6 months. Belly bands work well to keep you in your "regular" clothes longer, and transition you through maternity pants that one day are too big and the next too small. However, you will want to burn the band which begins to feel like a corset squeezing you around the middle by the end of your pregnancy.

6.People may ask how you are doing but they don't really want to know. They want your response to be "glowing" which by the way I neither felt nor looked. When you explain to them that yes you are tired, and having morning sickness, and that you don't enjoy having your body rented out, they never seem to know what to say. Don't ask and I won't tell.

7. Morning sickness is neither limited to the morning or the first trimester. I was sick anytime of day and for seven months. I never had airsickness on a commercial flight until I flew to Jamiaca in my 6th month. When you are sick, it comes on fast so keep that garbage pail under you desk handy. I know I used mine.

8. Fatigue is awful. The first trimester it is a mental type fatigue. Work becomes very difficult and when you come home the thought of even cooking dinner seems impossible. Than in the third trimester you could of sworn you climbed Everest each and every day your body is so tired.

9. You may hear, "sleep now while you still can", but good -luck actually getting a good nights sleep. If it isn't your bladder, you wake starving, the baby is kicking, or you just can't get comfortable. You can't sleep on your back, your stomach is out of the question, and the act of rolling over requires a forklift. Plus, all of sudden you wake in the middle of the night and can't get back to sleep for no apparent reason. I had to come home during my lunch hour to try and make up some of the sleep I lost in the night.

10. Your partner won't ever get it. At first they are excited and are understanding about the morning sickness but that will change. When they park in the spot furthest away from the store and count the steps to the door because you "complained" about having to walk, you know that they have no idea what it feels like to have a head pressing down on your pelvis and that each step feels like someone is stabbing your crotch. Nope, they have no idea, they just think your waddle is funny. 23 steps by the way. The pink spot was open but no, its not cool to park there.

She said... conception, all in an evenings work

Anyone who knows me knows I thrive on planning. So conceiving a child was no different. Derek and I had hoped to start a family a couple years into our marriage. But once you are married you find that everyone wants you to immediately conceive. It is as if people are uncomfortable seeing a happily married couple alone, without a kids standing in between them. If you aren't constantly being asked, "when are you going to have kids" it seems that many of your family and friends are starting their own families. In fact back in November 2007 I heard from three different people in my life that they were expecting all within the same week. Talk about pressure.

So...
We had hoped to start "trying" (as if we haven't been "trying for some years now. After 2 years of marriage and 8 years of dating we have had more than one test drive"), in the summer months of 2008. So dutifully and in my usual type A anal retentive style I started taking my folic acid in January 2008. Then I had my physical, spoke to our family doctor about planning for a baby, and I went off the pill for three months before we started, "trying". About this time I also stopped drinking alcohol. As soon as a girl my age stops drinking alcohol the rumor mill starts up. You may as well take out a billboard on Main street that states, "yes we are trying for a baby". We wanted to keep things quite though, in case we encountered set backs, or had a miscarriage. I had expected it to take about 3-6 months for us to conceive. However, after 3 months off the pill and once the condom came off it actually happened right away. (thank god for the pill for the past number of years).

When the fate full night actually occurred I don't remember. Once you decide you are going to "try" sex becomes about getting the job done. Just another check on the to do list. Women are encouraged to determine which days they are ovulating. So for a period of a couple days you will have sex whether you want to or not, for fear of missing your peak ovulation period. So you could be mad at your partner, want to watch your favorite soap or have plans to go to the movies with friends, you are going to "try" for that baby no matter what.

We were fortunate enough to conceive as quickly as we did and without any problems or setbacks and for that I am truly thankful.

Intro to Sethsmash!

Welcome to Sethsmash! This is going to be a he said she said sharing of our first journey into parenthood. Myself (who is pretty much right all the time) and my not so right all the time wife will be contributing to this blog.

Seth's life began one fateful night in July 2008 that neither my wife or I can remember so as always it wasn't that memorable.........not my best performance but those of you that do know what it is like trying to conceive, sex is kind of in between doing the dishes and taking out the garbage. But needless to say....GOT 'ER DONE!!!!

Fast forward 9 months and here we are....well actually fast 12 months as we were both apparently too damn lazy to start this thing when he was born. We have a beautiful 3 month old baby boy named Seth. (Those astute readers out there will now recognize the similarity in our son's name and the title of this blog. Sethsmash refer's to Seth's ability to wail and smash his hands all over kind of like the Hulk of babies.)

Now that my introduction is done, I shall turn the floor over to my wife Kathleen.

P.S. She will try very hard to sway you to her side....we can't have that!!! Be careful of her womanly charm....it will get you in trouble!!!